Well, I wasn't quite expecting the latest development in my little experiment.   How do you go from a first training session that results in seven mind-blowing orgasms to a complete short circuit that prevents you from getting to one before you can even attempt to repeat?  Leave it to me ... looks like we have a speed bump ahead!
Fair warning... if these posts don't turn into conversations (whether private or public, depending on your comfort level), I'm going to dial down on the sharing.  I'm not coming in here to provide a peep show into my (very complicated, or maybe not) mind;  I really am trying to gather information and share with anyone who might find some value in what I am trying to figure out.  I think if you've been following along; you can tell that I value both your privacy and mine ... I'm not going to share the details to my encounters... those are private, between me and those I choose to play with.  I will share generalities and maybe propose theories on why I think I feel the way I do.  Hopefully to create an exchange of ideas that we can all learn from.  If we continue to have no dialogue and we are all just being voyeurs (which I know we ALL do ... I lurk too ... admittedly.), then I will shut down the experiment and just continue to lurk, and play, and explore.
So ... what blew the fuse you ask?  We found ourselves right back at the hypothesis... in our debrief ... we discovered that we were switching.  I ended up on top and didn't even know I was there ... it absolutely threw me for a complete loop.  Now ... don't get me wrong... I hope to continue playing with this friend... and I am hoping beyond hope I can switch myself right back ... but so far I just can't do it.  We continued to play and the physical reaction was there... no problem ... my body does all the right things ... but my head couldn't get there... had 2 orgasms but they paled in comparison to the festivities of the night before ... Friday night still plays in the corners of my mind ... I have a feeling Friday night will live rent free in my head til the day I die ... might sound dramatic but it truly was amazing.  Thank you Sir.
I slept a total of 2.5 hours and I've been tossing and turning ever since ... trying to collect my thoughts ... where do I go from here?
I think my real problem with being a switch and/or dominant-leaning is I truly believe that the sub has the ultimate power.  And if I'm being honest, I feel secure knowing that I have that power.  The way I see it ... the sub can stop everything, at any given moment if IT ever becomes too much, BUT if she (or he) can truly submit ... then they are relieved of the responsibility to THINK and they can just give in to how they FEEL ... its such a euphoric state of being free ... of just feeling ... the key is that you feel safe enough, protected enough,  to just enjoy without judgement ... to revel in all the sensations and the rush that amazing orgasms can provide ... and you feel secure and safe that your ecstasy actually brings pleasure to the one who dominates you ... submission in my mind, truly is such a gift... but I want to be the one doing the gifting ... So any thoughts on that?
I am still looking for a bona-fide dom that can either work with me to help get me to submission OR will help me figure out how to tap into that dominant tendency that keeps popping up... or maybe I just go back to reading kinky books and lurking...
Why must it all be so confusing?