"Well, here we are. Just a few weeks later, but I feel like I have a better understanding of myself and I have found a community of like-minded people that have .."

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The FINAL Experiment Update! Conclusions and where to from here ...

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  • Oct 07, 2021 08:52:20 AM

Well, here we are.  Just a few weeks later, but I feel like I have a better understanding of myself and I have found a community of like-minded people that have embraced me and helped me to take those first few timid steps outside of my comfort zone.  It's been exciting, and confusing, and oh so liberating!  I'd like to thank each and every one of you that wished me well, cheered me on from the sidelines, or actually went so far as to join in the discussion and maybe provide me with a lesson or two.  A very special thank you to those that took the time to get between my ears ... I hope that if you got between my legs; that it was at least half as good for you, as it was for me.
My experiment really did take me down a number of paths ... each one providing its own set of insights in to what makes me tick.  There were playdates and there were challenges.  I've done things over the course of this experiment that I never would imagine doing, not even 3 months ago... I'm not sure if I should be proud of myself or if I should be horrified ... ultimately, I choose not to dwell there.  It is what it is and I'm happy to get to know this side of me.  Ultimately, I will have to decide if this newly-discovered, infinitely-curious, little kitten gets to stay out and play or if she's better off tucked away in a sturdy crate deep in the recesses of my mind.
In this short amount of time, my journey has taken a few twists and turns. I have been challenged to masturbate in public, locking eyes with a random stranger.  I've also had the pleasure of my toys being controlled as I go about the mundane tasks of daily life -- from doing laundry to trips to Trader Joe's and Costco.  I've enjoyed a challenge or two (or three) to exceed those seven toe-curling orgasms i told you all about and I have enjoyed the doting attention of a pleasure dom that challenges me to reach new heights ... practically on the daily.  I never knew what a pleasure dom was ... but boy am I glad I know now. 
I've come to the conclusion that in all my interactions, I've found 1 person who I will refer to as the disciplinarian that has given me a very real taste of what a more strict dom might be like.  He has a very different effect on me ... I see him online and all my senses are on high alert.  Is he going to message me?  Can he tell that I'm on?  Should I reach out?  No, probably not.  And then I'm distracted ... until that little green dot disappears. Our interactions started off academic enough.  He entertained my questions, pointed out holes in my theories and posed questions that really gave me pause ... caused me to think ... to reflect.  He got a good taste of the rabbit hole that is my brain ... and he told me that I was overly eager and that sometimes I didn't even make any sense ... and that embarrassed me.  I pride myself on being able to articulate what I think and how I feel.  So I made conscious efforts to slow down, to genuinely understand the feedback I was being given.  He also said that I needed a lesson in humility and that I needed to learn my place; to embrace the essence of who I am ... and that he would be willing to perhaps provide some training in this area.  Suffice it to say that his training sessions leave me weak-kneed and I'm generally left in a state of being used and feeling needy.  It is humbling.  Not only did he introduce me to postures I should learn that will help with my focus, but he showed me a whole new world via fetlife.  Oh the reading material ... and the bdsm quiz ... which would actually help classify my kink and answer the original question trying to figure out if and why I switch when playing!
After much reading and taking the bdsm quiz ... I have learned a few things ...the quiz confirms that I am NOT a switch.  I am a 94% match for submissive, 78% match for rope bunny, 75% match for brat and 74% experimentalist ... well that seems pretty spot on ro me.  I think I might have the capacity to domme, under the direction of and for the pleasure of MY dom ... I have also realized that I love to dance on the edge of an orgasm for as long as humanly possible ... I can actually hold out for quite a while ... but once it tumbles over... if conditions are just right ... the orgasms will just cascade one over the next ... blurring the lines between where one ends and the next begins ... and I end up in a state of complete sensory overload ... talk about euphoria!
So I am officially shuttering the experiment and this will be the final update.  I feel like I've sufficiently answered the original question. 
I will definitely continue to explore and I look forward to making more connections with more of you.  Feel free to reach out and say hello..  Thanks again for all the support ... it has truly been one hell of a pleasure.

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